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Two characters in search of a player

June 5, 2009
tags: ,

Scene: A suburban apartment, 7:00am, Friday.

The Rogue: Have a good one…email when you get settled. (Rogue exits the apartment and heads to work.)

Kim: Mmmmmpfh. Five more minutes. (rolls over and goes back to sleep. She’s soon joined on the bed by a small Terrier and a chunky Cocker Spaniel)

A red-haired Blood Elf strolls into the room and pokes Kim roughly in the shoulder.

Akromah: Hey. You. Wake up.

Kim: (opens one eye, then immediately opens the other)

Akromah: Yes it’s me. (Puts her mace and shield down and sits on the bed) We need to chat.

Kim: (speechless)

Akromah: I know. I *am* that gorgeous. Listen, there are a LOT of things we need to be doing here, and I’m afraid you’re not holding up your end of the bargain.

Kim: (speechless)

Akromah: I’m not exalted with the Kirin Tor yet. Don’t you realize that I need to be in order to be able to cut a Runed Scarlet Ruby. Do you even UNDERSTAND how EMBARRASSING it is for a spellcasting jewelcrafter to be unable to cut her most-used red gem? I have to BUY them from the Auction House. Not to mention I spent a LOT of my gold in order to become a tank and you’re just not taking me out like you should.

Kim: (stammers) But…you’re not defense capped and…

(An undead magess suddenly teleports into the bedroom)

Leota: Ah, perfect. When Miss High-and-Mighty left all of a sudden, I had a suspicion she’d be here.

The Terrier erupts into a fit of barking at the strangers in the bedroom. The Cocker Spaniel stares dumbly.

Kim: Oh. My. God.

Leota: Ugh. It’s stuffy in here. (opens up some windows, letting in the rain and its accompanying damp breezes) That’s better.

Kim: (pulling the blankets tighter around her)

Akromah: Good. You’re here. You’re most of the reason that I’m so…stagnant!

Leota: (shrugs) Respect your elders, Missy. I’ve known her since long before your kind even joined our cause. It’s about time I come into my own.

(The Terrier’s barking grows louder and more insistent at the strangers in the bedroom.)

Akromah: Can you DO something about that beast?

Leota: Hold on. (casts a spell)

Terrier: Baaa? (Now a sheep, the Terrier wanders to the kitchen to look for some greens)

Kim: (sitting up in bed, still holding the blankets tightly against her) Okay. Ladies. Let’s chat. I know you’re both feeling silghted.

Leota: Not really. This weekend I might reach my 79th season! (summons a carpet and sits on it, levitating far above the floor)

Akromah: You’re not 78 yet?

(The Cocker Spaniel begins to roll around on the spot where Leota stood.)

Leota: Hush, child. (glides to the windowsill and begins examining the houseplants)

Kim: But you might not get things done this weekend, either. I might meet some friends tonight and I have a concert tomorrow night and …

Akromah: Ridiculous. Simply unacceptable. (storms out of the room)

(Leota lifts a flowerpot, and the plant inside slowly becomes encased in ice. She guiltily puts the plant back down and glides back to the bed.)

Leota: I have all sorts of new clothes waiting for me at 78, and again at 80. You’re saying I won’t get to 78 this weekend?

Kim: All I’m saying is that we need to maintain balance. There are a LOT of great things you two are capable of doing now. But if I spend all my time with you, I’ll end up being one of those players who burns out and quits Warcraft altogether.

Akromah: (pokes her head back into the bedroom holding up a broom) Your broom is broken.

Kim: No it’s not. And you’re a prime example. I spent so much time in Naxxramas with you that you wore out your welcome and we didn’t hang out for almost a month.

Akromah: I didn’t enjoy that much at all.

Kim: Neither did I. But let’s agree to be patient and take this all slowly so we can really enjoy each others’ company for a long time to come. Deal?

Leota: Deal.

Akromah: I suppose.

Kim: Now you two need to go…back and I have to get ready for work.

Leota: (hops down from her carpet and casts a spell) Portal to Dalaran coming up! Safe travels, Kim.

Akromah: (picks up her weaponry and waits for Leota to go through the portal first) But get me exalted with Kirin Tor first before you get her to 78.

(an arm extends out of the portal and yanks Akromah through)

Akromah: (shrieking) Exalted!!!

Terrier, now a terrier again, runs barking into the bedroom and discovers the guests have gone.

Kim gets out of bed. She spies a giant cockroach on the floor and flees the bedroom, screaming.

Leota: (emerging from the portal) Sorry! Spike, let’s go. (Leota and Spike exit into the portal)


Thanks to Anna for the inspiration

8 Comments leave one →
  1. June 5, 2009 1:04 pm

    Pure win! That was the most entertaining thing I’ve read in a while. 😀

  2. June 5, 2009 1:15 pm


    I remember the pictures of your Cocker Spaniel from the first time I visited here. He’s awesome.

  3. Marrisol permalink
    June 5, 2009 1:25 pm

    *dies laughing*

    You and me, we’re doing some heroics. We both needs us some rep. =)

  4. June 5, 2009 10:06 pm

    Oh, well bowled. All of you. ^_^

  5. June 5, 2009 11:16 pm

    hahhaha. great post!

  6. June 7, 2009 7:31 pm

    😀 Loved it!

    (The Cocker Spaniel begins to roll around on the spot where Leota stood.)

    I think that was my favorite line of all though… darn dogs rollin’ on stinky stuff!

    • June 7, 2009 11:41 pm

      I’m glad you all enjoyed it. It’s scary to write things that are atypical of what I usually write.

  7. June 8, 2009 8:00 am

    Nicely done, I enjoyed reading it. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one that roleplays with my toons. This past weekend, I finally dusted Deimonia, my Affliction Warlock, off and got her to 80. It was nice playing from 77 – 80 on rested bonus.

    Oh by the way, I keep forgetting to mention my website (Gaming Diva) has changed. I haven’t decided on a url so all my old posts are locked up on my hosting server until I figure out a name, but you can find me at my WP home until I make up my mind on what I want the website to be called.

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